Following up

You know what's awesome? Listening to music super loudly through your headphones while the index finger of your left hand rests on the button that turns on the speakers. The button that turns on the speakers, the speakers that are face down on your apartment floor, facing the apartment below who's bass thuds usually keep you awake at night and wake you up in the morning to sir mix-a-lot. The records sound great as you're listening to your music on your headphones with your finger on the button to turn on the speakers, (the ones on the floor with the bass turned up) sometimes though you slip. That pesky left hand digit twitches. Only for ten seconds, then you recover, but a minute later, it happens again - the button is depressed. Then a minute and thirty seconds floats by before your error can be corrected, but after thirty seconds you've forgotten what you were doing. The floor is shaking. The floor is shaking, but in your headphones - the levels are alright. It's a great night to listen to some punk rock forty fives,  and for your speakers to lie on the floor.

hierarchy of warrens

Walking back through the drizzle, I could hear it stirring behind my guts - getting ready to to creep through on the backs of millipedes laying more jelly encapsulated fuzz over my spine. I thought it could happen, and knew it would start taking control even though the sound of my voice in my mind sounded like it had enough force to stop.

Through the many things I consider in the day, is how much I consider myself. Inevitably I'm stuck with the belief boredom by virtue of its visitation likens me to its own image, but in my mind. It's like watching that person at a party go around and talk about themselves - in endless coy speculation of their own greatness, only to discover you're face is being picked up by everything that can cast a reflection, and that the spaces between books on shelves somehow echo every bitter word. The entire time you would have thought you were planning a daring escape full of tunnels, carts on tracks, elevators driven by ropes, greasy gray mud that never stains and mining helmets.

I require a better job. I no longer dream of work that engages my physical faculties and my mind - I just dream of something that's not boring, and pays well. I suppose the fundamental problem with leasing is that, all of the problems with leasing are quite easily solved. The most complicated issues I have dealt with aren't really complicated issues at all - at least not in the way I want them to be.

The other day I was thinking about my abstract alter-ego - the sign of the rat king. The things that are important to note about rats, not as they're studied but as they exist, is their society is one where the richest are persecuted, and the lowest plebeians are the dictators of their own destiny. The short is being of low situation in effect raises the level of freedom and control a rat can have. A noble rat residing on the top of a warren, it's whiskers shiny with grease, it's hole padded with cloth - understands it's his duty to lose station, and that through his brothers gain of wealth he is sharing his caste long enough to become equal in servitude then will taste the victory in the most picked over scraps, the dankest air, the most overcrowded hole. This has little to do with the sign of the rat king, but I like to suspect that rats are motivated by a fluid group dynamic...

sheeeeeeeeeeit.